Live Well Wednesday ~ Sheepish

Folks - that button in my sidebar has been mocking me for months.  Since March 12th to be exact, since that was the date of my last Live Well Wednesday post.  I didn’t remove the button because God knows I needed the reminder!

So here I am.  Flawed in all my glory.  Again.

The particulars, in case anyone is interested:  Three kids have left more lumps and bumps on this poor body than I care to count.  Things are going south when they should be holding steady at the equator, so to speak!  I’d like to lose around 20 kg (44 lbs), most of which has appeared in the last three years.

You know what I hate the most about being overweight?  Clothes.  I hate looking at clothes in stores, I hate doing the laundry at home knowing nothing I have fits ‘just right’.  I hate the friend (not really C!) who recently had a baby and at 9 months pregnant named a weight that was more than I was back when I was slim!

I think a lot of the reason why I stop and start so much with this weight loss thing is that I feel it shouldn’t matter how big (or small) my body is.  I’m smart enough to know that there are clever marketing tricks at every turn, telling you you’re not slim enough, not rich enough, not career-minded enough.  I pooh-pooh 90% of it.  My worth isn’t tied up in any of it.  And yet, it’s really, really hard to escape the body image thing.  Just going by sheer practicality - I can’t buy the clothes I want because of my size.  I’m not grossly overweight but it’s obvious I’m packing more than a few kilos away for the winter and despite most manufacturers producing clothes in my size, one of two things usually happen.  Either my size is conspicuously absent from the rack (all the other girls my size fighting over it, I suppose) or if it’s there, the cut, the design, the general ‘look’ of the garment just doesn’t suit me.

I’ll give you an example.  Skirts.  I haven’t worn one in years.  I have (thankyou dear mother) the genes for wide child-bearing hips and big ol’ thunder thighs and prefer longer skirts (ankle length).  But do you think I can find one that fits well?  In my youth, I wore them all the time.  I was the Dress Queen.  Then I became a mum.  And the Age Of The Jeans rolled right in.  It’s not that long skirts aren’t out there in my size - there are some - it’s that I think they all look hideous on my body.  I’d rather look plain and boring than up to date and completely ill-dressed style-wise.  I’m also ‘amply-endowed’ and prefer v-neck tops with a bit of a sleeve.  All the cute summer tops, even if they are available in my size, tend to be cap-sleeved (yeah, lets cut the batwings off dead centre and make ‘em a feature! It’s the hot new look of the season!) or made from a sheer material requiring a tank top or simple spaghetti-strapped number to go undernearth to keep your undergirdings ‘overwrapped’.  The ‘girls’ need more support than the teeny bras whose thin straps would be the only arrangement to actually work under a spaghetti-strapped tank top!  I know it’s not the faux pas it used to be to show your bra strap in public and there are even add-on straps specifically-designed to be ’shown’ but come on.  Unless they make wiiiiiiide, comfy (padded), industrial-strength clear straps for real women, no thanks.  Plus it’s called underwear for a reason.

So yeah - as much as we all like to say body size doesn’t matter, it kind of does, to a degree.  I’m neither here or there over my actual weight, but its no picnic on the clothes front and - lets be honest here - I’m not the ‘wife of his youth’ my husband remembers.   And quite apart from all that, I’m a ticking time bomb in regards to family history of heart attacks (both parents, one died from it)…and I’d really kind of like to be around for a second childhood alongside my grandkids.

I turn 29 in a few weeks.  Here’s what I was thinking.  My present to myself is to begin on the road toward a changed attitude about food and fitness in general.  On Monday I began a ‘non diet dietplan’.  It was actually included as a little booklet on the back of a magazine at the checkout.  I flicked through quickly in the store and it warranted a purchase so into the basket it went.  At home, I was pleasantly surprised at the simplicity and good nutritional sense and decided to give it a try.  They give you a choice of a few different breakfasts, plus an outline of what should be present in a nutritious lunch and dinner and apart from that, you are on your own - which is a good thing.  It also gives a concurrent exercise plan that is very easy to follow and I’ll be starting that next week.  Freedom plus a little bit of guidance.  The suggested meals and meal components do well for this little red hen who either goes hyper-vigilant, counting every single calorie or super-loose, counting and tracking nothing at all because it all ’seems too hard’.  This seems like a better fit.

I did ‘okay’ on Monday, and alright until three-thirty-itis hit yesterday afternoon, after which I went cuh-razy and ate all the wrong stuff, but I am back on the wagon today and so far so good.  I’m over the whole calorie counting business for now.  I’m trying to concentrate on that ol’ chestnut of portion control and better snack and meal choices.  It is HARD to switch off from old eating habits!  BUT two days in a row now I have had an awesome breakfast and have rediscovered the joy of a sweet tasting apple.  Out of habit I was slicing those up real thin to get the ‘eating bits of things’ hit (hard to explain, but when you dip your hand back into the bowl several times it kind of feels like you’re snacking more like you used to, ie, the ‘bad’ way, and it tricks your brain just a smidge - did that make sense?)  Yesterday I was pressed for time so grabbed an apple on route to grocery shopping and it was delicious.  Has a lot to do with the variety of apple I guess - I chose Golden Delicious - but it has definitely left me more receptive to a whole piece of fruit as a snack.

I am struggling a little with the appetite thing though.  I knew it would happen - always does - I’m still craving the amount of food I used to eat….you know, that whole ‘eat till you’re stuffed’ thing.  I was kind of enjoying the feeling of being able to eat until totally satisfied.  Now I have to stop before I get there and of course that is plenty of food but it will take some time for my body to adjust its appetite.  In the meantime, I am controlling my cravings in part by drinking lots of tea (fools my tum into thinking its full) or hot chocolate (low fat stuff) if I’m reallllly struggling.  I still don’t like yoghurt much but I’m trying.  Yoghurt’s a funny thing, isn’t it?  I’m not sure if it’s the same in the States but here’s how it goes down here.  You can choose either full-fat, low-fat or diet yoghurt.  Full fat contains like a bazillion grams of fat and more calories than a snack that size should have.  Low-fat (of course) reduces the fat content but usually doesn’t do much to the calorie level and they tend to begin adding artificial sweeteners to make up for the difference using low-fat milk makes to the taste.  And then diet yoghurt is just plain NASTY.  Tastes completely unnatural to me but has the lowest fat and lowest calories.  There are variations between brands on all three levels but it kind of boils down to a choice between flavour and calories - there are a few ‘okay’ brands that are a fair compromise, but nothing to write home about.  Perhaps down the track when the cravings are more under control, my tastebuds will change sufficiently to allow me to enjoy the low-fat stuff more.  In the meantime, I’m eating it mainly because it’s a healthy snack and I need to eat more of those.

Goals For The Forseeable Future

1. Don’t give up!
2. Begin and continue with the supplied exercise plan - at the end of the twelve weeks I want to be able to run completely around the school oval without stopping - perhaps even two laps.  Don’t know the distance, just that it is long!
3. Keep busy at home - more housework equals less time to eat/think about food and includes a bonus exercise component.
4. Less computer time.  Too easy to mindlessly snack.
5. See no. 1.

Wish me luck…

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Cheers,
Lizzie